Dungeon Jukebox

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Final Fantasy - Astos is a Jackass!

When last we left our intrepid heroes, they were getting the snot kicked out of them at every corner.  After stocking up on some much needed potions and assorted other items, it was time to go up to the northlands to grind some more.  Plus, I've caught wind of a witch that lives in a cave.  I should pay her a visit!

I'm starting to see these bastards in my sleep!  Seriously, I am haunted at every turn by imps.  I actually had a dream about imps yesterday.  How messed up is that?  Of course I also dreamed that a black unmarked helicopter crashed into the back of my house as well.  What does it mean?  Who the hell knows, but we've got some adventuring to do here, so the conspiracy theories will have to wait!

This here is Matoya's Cave.  Don't let all the skulls throw ya....she's not bad.  She's got some animated brooms as pets too!  Seems Matoya has lost her Crystal Lens and she can't see without it.  Well, I guess we'll see what we can do to help her out!

After trekking up to Matoya's Cave and back, I'd finally leveled up enough that I decided to give Elfland a go.  I dock my ship and head directly for Elfheim.  Turns out their prince has fallen asleep after being cursed by a dude named Astos.  Only a powerful herb can wake him up.  I smell a quest.  Talking to a few local elves, I catch with of a crumbling castle to the northwest.

YATZHEE!  Looks like we've found our castle in question.  Upon entering, we find a few bats flying around and meet up with an old king who says that Astos has stolen his crown and hidden it in the Marsh Cave.  However, if we're willing to go and retrieve it for him, then he'll help us with our sleepy prince problem.

This is the Marsh Cave, eh?  Looks more like a wetland version of the Sarlaac Pit.  Friggin great.

No sooner are we in the cave, then we're fighting Scum.  LITERALLY, we're fighting sentient scum.  As it turns out, swords and such don't hurt it much.  Magic seems to do nicely though.

Zombies and Ghouls.....terrific.  The zombies aren't so bad, but the Ghouls, much like their Geist counterparts can paralyze with just one hit.  In this cave you can either go north or south.  I chose north first. After encountering a crapload of these baddies, I came up completely empty handed.  After battling my way back down, I tried the southern direction. Finding a stair case, I battle my way three floors down.

Searching aimlessly, I finally enter a room that's guarded by four....count them, FOUR Wizards!  These guys hit HARD!  Barz takes a shot that halves his health immediately.  Luckily, Klov learned Cure2 before we came down here.  Equally lucky was the fact that I'd been saving Darn's Lightning2 spells for a rainy day.  Looks like it's time to unleash some whup-ass!  The fight is intense and I take a pretty serious beating, using quite a few healing potions.  In the end, the Wizards go down and the crown is mine.  

Back up to the crumbly castle, my weary band of adventurers are tired and running low on health.  All we gotta do is give back the crown and then it's Miller Time!

Oh son of a bitch!  Turns out we've been duped and we went and retrieved this crown of Astos who was in disguise.  As you can see, we're quite low on health.....low on potions and Klovs white magic is almost used up.  

What a dick.  

HOLY CRAP!  Astos is defeated, but three of my party are dead and Darn is just barely clinging to life.  I'm completely out of potions and Klov is dead so there's no white magic for cure spells.  I've got 21 hitpoints and a LONG way back to the safety of Elfheim.  There are Wolves and Creepers and Ogres and all sorts of nastiness between here and there.  In short.  I'm screwed.

Darn, alone and wounded begins his trek back towards Elfheim.  This has turned into the video game equivalent of Artimus Pyle.  I realize that I actually have a house in my inventory, which restores HP and Magic to full.  Holy crap, what a break!  Still.....it's a looong way back.

Aw, man, that's A LOT of wolves.  Let's see how they like some Lightning!  SHAZAMM!  Gotta love Lightning2!  All six wolves are reduced to road kill.  

OH COME ON!!!!!  Are you serious?  Wolf sneak attack?  Awesome.  I get the shit bitten out of me before I can even make a move.  I have one more Lightening2 Spell, which I unleash after the wolves onslaught.  All six wolves die, but the Grey Wolf is still hanging on.  He bites me again and I give him a fireball to the face.  I'm starting to think that I'm not going to make it.  Another encounter like this and I'm done for.

OH DEAR GOD THERE'S SO MUCH WILDERNESS!  I got attacked by an ogre and a creeper.  I got the first move, so I cast sleep on them.  Luckily it worked.  Then I blasted them both with Ice and a couple of whacks with my staff.  Through some miracle I made it through, with about 8 hitpoints remaining.

I MADE IT!  HEAVENS TO MERGATROID, A FREAKIN' MADE IT!  I'm gonna kiss the first Elf I see!  HOLY CRAP!  Great googily, it's good to be alive!  I head into town and get my comrades revived.  Everyone rests up and orders a pizza.  Darn has a mild heart attack and is now prone to severe anxiety.  Luckily Klov has some Clonopin on hand.   After one hell of a day, our motely crew hunkers down for a night of Buffy reruns.

Tune in next time, where you'll hear Degh say:    "I ate what?"

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