Setting out on a Final Fantasy - Meet our Heroes!

In anticipation of Final Fantasy XV being announced for PS4 (and XB1) the other day at E3, I thought it would be fun to go back and play through the Final Fantasy series in order.  No small feat, I"m sure...but I'm feeling cheeky.  I've been neglecting the Space Dungeon and there are cobwebs everywhere.  The prisoners have all died of hunger, so I'm not all alone up here.  What better way to ease my loneliness than  to immerse my self in a quest of epic proportions.  I'm hoping that this undertaking will compel me to fire up the space dungeon on all thrusters and get some more damn prisoners in here!  You can't have a space dungeon if you don't have any prisoners!  How can you have prisoners if you neglect that space dungeon?  You Laddie.....Yes!  YOU!  Stay Still......

Okay that was weird....I went all Pink Floyd on ya there for a minute.  Okay, what do you say that we get this party started!

Ah yes.....that old chestnut.  It's been a while since these words have played across my screen!  Well....best get to it!

Oddly enough, I started out wanting to play this on my PSOne version (prettier graphics and all) but then I decided to go old school and do it NES style.  I wasn't planning on starting my quest with this particular run...it was only meant as a test, hence the ridiculous names I gave my characters:  

 Meet Barz!  A Red Fighter with a sordid past.  His parents sold him at the tender age of four to a den of thieves to pay off gambling debts.  The thieves tried to train him in the ways of a criminal, but Barz just didn't take to it.  What he did excel at was fighting.  And so he was forced to fight in underground fight clubs, where the fights were usually fixed.
When he accidentally killed another young fighter, Barz escaped and swore that he would never harm another innocent.  He spent three months wandering and hungry before Degh found him in a back alley scrapping for food.

Johnny Degh, a martial artist who spent the early part of his career as a movie star.  Fame and fortune went to his head and he found himself face down in the gutter with no home, no money and no work.  Scrapping himself together, he hitchhiked his way across the US, heading for a new start in Maine.
However, one dark night on a back road in Pennsylvania, he came across a small Chinese restaurant.  He was down to his last few dollars, but he was starving.  The restaurant was open, but there were no customers.  A lone chef stood behind the counter.  Johnny pleaded for food, offering to work the food off by washing dishes.  The chef nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.
Sitting at the table, Johnny scarffed down lo mein and crab rangoons.  The chef brought him a pot of herbal tea, which he immediately drank.  That was the last thing that Johnny remembered.  When he awoke, he was in a strange new world full of magic.  He swore to cleanse his soul in this new land.

Klov, a young mage from the mountains spent much of his youth doing magic shows for the livestock on his parent's farm.  While many youths were taught magic at an early age, Klov found that his powers came naturally, however he could never get a full grasp fully on either the White or Dark arts.
This caused him to be very unpopular at the low rent magic school that his parents sent him too (think low rent Hogwarts).  Because his peers would pick on him, Klov also picked up many of the skills of a fighter.
Unknown to him, his teachers were keeping a close watch on him...they knew he was destined to go forth and bring together three companions to become The Warriors of Light

A feisty young black mage with a heart of gold and a wicked sense of humor.  Darn was named so because he was the 13th child of a local woman.  When he was born she said "Oh Darn!  Another one!"
Though Darn's a master of the dark arts, he refuses to use his powers for evil.  Darn's philosophy is that there can be no light with out darkness and harnesses his powers to prove so.
Though Darn is referred to as "he" by his companions...they actually have NO idea what gender Darn is, do to an androgynous voice and the fact that much like his cousin, Orko (who lives on Eternia) no one has ever seen his face.

These four are The Warriors of Light.  Stay tuned for their adventures!

The Most EVIL enemies on the NES

You know them.  You hate them.  These are the enemies in classic NES games that were responsible for many a broken controller.  In no particular order, here are some of the enemies that gave me cause to toss my controller at my TV screen and scream in agony and frustration.

Medusa Heads - Castlevania



These little flying menaces weren't so bad when you were on level ground....it was when you had to deal with them over precarious jumps that they became the stuff of nightmares.  One hit would send you back into the abyss.  Especially in games such as Castlevania, in which there is absolutely no save feature these flying heads because a source of headache and frustration.


Hammer Bros. - Super Mario Bros.





Glorified Koopa Troopas that always come in pairs....wandering around on hanging blocks and tossing hammers at Mario and Luigi in random patterns.  Because there was never any real discernible pattern to a single brother, it was extremely frustrating trying to find and opening in between hammers when the duo is going full tilt.  It always seemed that I wouldn't encounter these goons until I had gotten smacked by something earlier in the stage and had to face them as "Small Mario."




Telly - Mega Man

 Oh man.  These little bastards......an endless supply of them will flow out of holes and tubes in various stages through out the entire Mega Man series.  Nothing frustrated me more then trying to navigate those damn appearing/disappearing blocks while I've got a slew of Tellies on my ass.  If you've got one of the many different shields available to Mega Man, then Telly is much easier to handle....so long as your shield holds out!




Birds - Amagon

Birds.  Have we learned nothing from Alred Hitchcock?  These avian terrors are your biggest problem in the first stage of Amagon.  They love to hit you when you're trying to leap over a hole in the ground.  They're hard to shoot and they generally just make your life a living hell.  I rented this game ONCE when I was a kid.  After playing for over two hours, I finally made it to level 2.  Yep.  It's that kinda game.

Rygar - NES

It was a sunny afternoon in late summer when I rented Rygar for the first time.  There was just something about the box art that appealed to me. I had no idea about the Diskarmor at this point, so I had no clue as to what exactly the fiery object on his arm was.  But he was leaping over some kinda monster and fighting off some other winged creatures and that was good enough for me!

I brought the game home expecting more of a beat 'em up type of deal and was actually a bit put off by the fact that it wasn't a straight side to side scroller.  See, the instruction book was missing (as usual) so I wasn't entirely sure what the heck I was supposed to do.  Luckily, I just happened to have a book that covered the game.  I THINK it was Jeff Rovin's How To Win At Nintendo Games....but I dont' have the book anymore and I can't seem to find a list of the contents of that book....so if anyone out there can help me out with that, it would be much appreciated!

Anywhoo....after finally figuring out (well, not really figuring out.....reading) what I had to do, I gave it another go and really started to enjoy the game.  It was reminded me of a cross between Castlevania II: Simon's Quest and Karnov.  Why?  I don't know....but that's what the gameplay always reminded me of. 

In the game, you are Rygar (obviously) and you must protect your kingdom of Argool from the evil King Ligar.  Interesting side note....there is not distinction between "L" and "R" in the Japanese language.....sooo.......Rygar/Ligar....hhhhmmmm.   Anywhoo, you must level up and collect items from five Indora Gods.  Only then can Rygar ascend up to Ligar's flying castle and defeat the evil King.  Cool, eh?

I never beat the game when I was a kid, but thanks to NES emulators of today and websites like Retro Uprising, I'm going to give it another go.    The original arcade version has been released to the Wii's Virtual Console, but not the NES version.

Classic Mega Man Series Box Art

One of my all time favorite video game series is Mega Man.  I bought the original game at The Electronics Boutique with some birthday money I had received.  I had already rented and played Mega Man 2 and I was itching to try out the original and I wasn't disappointed.  

I thought I'd take a few moments and give tribute to the Blue Bomber's classic series.  A look at the evolution of the classic series.....and the evolution of the box art for the games.  For better or worse, these pieces of video game art give me the warm fuzzies all over.  Let's dive in!

Ah, the original Mega Man.  There's quite a difference between the American and European releases of the Blue Bombers first outing against the forces of Dr. Wily's evil Robot Masters.  I'm a pretty nostalgic kinda guy so the American release that I grew up up with is

near and dear to my heart.....but the European art is friggin awesome!  In the American release, Mega Man looks like an old guy with a mustache....with a crooked helmet.  He looks like he means business though!  Then there's the European version with a younger looking Mega Man and Dr. Wily is really looking like a mad scientist.

Mega Man 2 was actually the first Mega Man game that I ever played.  I rented this bad monkey from Video Paradise back in the day.  Alot of people say that the artwork for the first two games is terrible, but I'll tell you what....my twelve year old mind was blown away by the cover of this game.  Though I did ofter wonder in my adult years why it is that Dr. Light is apparently hiding behind Crash Man.  It doesn't really seem as though he's being held prisoner.....but more looking for protection as he witnesses Mega Man and Quick Man battle it out.  The European cover art is just plain bizarre.  Mega Man is all chromed out and looks like an extra from an 80's Human League music video.  It almost reminds me of the artwork for Atari 2600 games or maybe even Commodore 64. 

Mega Man 3 is where they started to use the more robotic looking Mega Man on the American box artwork.  The artwork always sorta bugged me on this one.  It's pretty clear that Mega Man is blasting Spark Man here....but Spark Man is looking pretty generic.  Apparently this was before Wily gave him his orange paint job.  Speaking of which....why in the hell is  Top Man green?  I'm sure that it's probably due to the fact that the artwork was created before the finished game...and perhaps while still in prototype stage, Top Man was green....but somehow it bugs me.  The European art is quite interesting on this one as well.  Mega Man takes on more of his (now) familiar anime style as well as the floating heads of the robot masters he must face.  But then there's a less cartoony Dr Wily looking pretty damn freaked out.  The hair standing on end cracks me the hell up too. 

Mega Man 4 is another cover that looks pretty cool, but when you actually stop and think about what you are looking at you start to really question what the hell they were thinking about when creating the cover art. 
Here we see Mega Man, either jumping in the air, or sliding down a hill.....in the background we see an onion domed castle with a GINORMOUS Pharoah Man firing his Pharoah Shot apparently at random.  Why do I say he's GINORMOUS, you ask?  Well, he is standing on top of the giant onion dome of a castle.  Judging by the picture I would have to say that Pharoah Man is rought the size of King Kong or Godzilla in this particular piece of art.  Why is he standing on a Russian looking building?  Well that's because we initially think that the villian behind Mega Man's headaches is Dr. Cossack.  Turns out Wily was forcing him to do his bidding by kidnapping his daughter.  The European version is essentially the same, with the purple Capcom border missing....and a slightly different expression on Mega Man's face.  His look in the European version looks a bit more like a determined  resolve to defeat Wily......while the American artwork has him making a face like a kid who's up to no good.  I should know....I was constantly up to no good as a kid!

Mega Man 5.  Alot of people say that this is their least favorite Mega Man game. 
The game itself is great...just like all the other games in the series, but I think that the artwork here is probably my least favorite of the original NES titles.  No particular reason.....it just.....feels off to me.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Maybe it's because Mega Man is making an odd face.....which could be due to the fact that apparently he's absorbing an energy shot from Gravity Man.  Huh.  I dunno.  Weird.  Proto Man is also in the background firing down upon Mega Man.  This is the second game to have the ol' switcharoo....where you think that you're facing a new arch enemy, but in fact it turns out that Dr. Wily was running the show all along.  Surprise, surprise. 

Mega Man 6 was the last of the original NES games.  Some of the Robot Masters were a bit silly in this game, but it's still a fun one.  The cool thing about the cover art for Mega Man 6 is that it features Knight Man and Wind Man, which are the two Robot Masters that were designed by North American fans in a contest run by Nintendo Power.  The other six Masters were created by Japanese fans....which was nothing new.....there had been several contests to create a new Robot Master in Japan for several of the sequels....but this was the first time that a contest was run in North American.  Out of  more than 200,000 entries, only 8 were selected.  That's a lot of Robot Masters!

Mega Man 7 was the first and only of the "Classic" Mega Man games to appear on the Super Nintendo (The Mega Man X series was the 16 bit systems focus in the series).   The box art is so-so....nothing really ever jumped out and grabbed me about the artwork.  The background is pretty much monochromatic aside from Dr. Wily and a few assorted mechanical baddies.  Mega Man does look pretty cool though in this one!

Mega Man 8.    Worst.     Cover Art.      Ever.      Period. 

Mega Man 9.  The return of classic Mega man in all his 8-bit glory.  Released as a downloadable game on e VC, PSN and XBLA, this artwork is a return to the humanistic look of Mega Man.  What's insanely awesome is Dr. Wily's new look!  It's like a Darth Vader meets Shredder from TMNT topped off with the obligatory mad scientist look (which of course, he is!).  Mega Man is looking like he hit the robot gym and is charging up the Mega Buster for some action.  I like how in addtion to his Mega Buster, he's also holding a laser gun.  Dig that crazy robot with the buzz saw hands running after him too! 

Mega Man 10 came out in 2010, which could be considred 20XX by Mega Man standards, which is pretty awesome!  Anywhoo.  The artwork to Mega Man 10 is just as awesome as the Mega Man 9 artwork.  This one reminds me a lot of the original Star Wars poster....in this case Mega Man taking Luke Skywalkers pose and Proto Man taking the Princess Leah pose....only he's not clinging ot Mega Man.  Because that would be weird.  I had always thought that Mega Man would make an awesome movie when I was a kid.  20 years later, I STILL think it would make an awesome film and the posters for parts 9 and 10 absolutely prove it!  With the special effects being what they are today, I think that a Mega Man movie is long over due.....and I want Wily to look like he does in the Mega Man 9 poster! 

Well, that's it so far for the classic Mega Man games.  I truly hope that Capcom will bring the Blue Bomber back for more downloadable adventures.....because quite frankly, I never want this series to end.  I don't even care how silly the Robot Masters get, I'll still play.  Some said that Sheep Man was ridiculous....I say BAAAA!  No more ridiculous than Snake Man, Toad Man, or Centaur Man!  I thought they were all pretty cool.....and hey.....they were invented by a mad scientist!  What do you expect?  Dr. Wiley has had  his ass handed to him 10 times thus far and still hasn't given up yet.  I've got a feeling that Wily has got more tricks up his sleeves.  I can't wait to see what new Robot Masters the future holds for fans!

PS:  Capcom, if you're reading this....please, please, PLEASE....I wanna see Cthulhu Man!  Now THAT would be a fierce Robot Master!  SHYEAH!



Monster Party - NES

Monster Party was (in 1989) the most awesome video game I had ever played in my life.  Period.  Not only did you get to periodically turn into a monster by consuming a giant pill, but you were fighting your way through 8 stages of monster mayhem through The Dark World....each with several bosses along the way.  After completing all 8 stages you face off against the Dark World Master.

The cover of this game is awesome...we've got Dracula, The Gill-man, Medusa, Some kinda Red Bigfoot/Troll Monster, A Giant Venus Flytrap and a knock off of H.R. Geiger's Alien.  Wowwee!  What a collection of monsters!  The only monsters that actually appear IN the game are Medusa (who is actually a giant snake with snake hair) and the Venus Flytrap monster...which looks nothing like the vicious carnivore on the cover.....it's pink and it shoots bubbles at you. 

In the game you control Mark...a kid who is visited by a monster named Bert who begs him for his help to save his home, Dark World from the monsters running rampant.  Bert tells Mark that his "weapon" will be useful in the fight against the monsters.  Mark's "weapon" being the baseball bat that he's carrying.  See, he was on  his way home from a baseball game when Bert confronted him.  Before ya know it, Bert uses some kind of alien gargoyle magic and fuses himself together with Mark.  During play, when you consume a giant pill that looks like a colored Tylenol, you will transform into Bert for a short time. 

As Mark, you swing your baseball bat to either strike enemies or to deflect their projectiles back at them.  As Bert you shoot, laser bullet things......and you can fly....which is awesome.  The problem is that the two characters are on two different ends of the spectrum when it comes to difficulty.  Mark is a pain in the ass to use sometimes....especially when there are multiple projectiles coming at you.  Bert on the other hand almost makes the game too easy......so I suppose that sort of balances it out.....except for the fact that it often seems like Bert is nowhere to be found when you need him the most.



Fried Shrimp Attack!



Monster Party, or Parodi Warudo Monsutā Pātī as it's known in Japan, is truly one of the strangest games for the NES....and that's saying a lot when you look at titles such as Zombie Nation, Kabuki Quantum Fighter and Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom.  But when you get right down too it, everything about this game is simply bizarre.  Where else can you fight a giant cat in a crate?  The damn thing actually chucks kittens at you and you have to whack them back at it to damage it!  That's demented!  Or how about the Cow Man/Minotaur that attacks you by firing little cows at you?  Or the best yet.....when you are confronted by a triple threat boss that consistes of a giant piece of fried shrimp, and onion ring and some other piece of fried food on a toothpick (!?) that bounce around the room and you must destroy them.  There is an evil looking machine that sorta kinda looks like the teleporters from David Cronenberg's 1986 redux of The Fly in the background.  This is truly whacked!

So......much.....blood!

Something that is also really interesting to note, is the fact that there is alot of 8-bit blood on display in this game.  This is pretty interesting considering Nintendo's stance on video game cencorship in the late 1980's.  You can quite easily find this cartridge on E-bay, Amazon and probably at any local video game store that deals in retro games.  Or even easier, you can play it on an emulator or at Retro Uprising. 

You've really gotta play this game to believe all the weirdness that abounds in it.